Ask for the Feedback People Hesitate to Give

People sometimes hold back the correction I need because they do not want to offend me. I ask again, and I ask for specifics. Encouragement is useful, but it does not tell me what to practice next.

Ask until you get the specifics

What am I missing? What could I do better? When a coach tells me I am doing well, I ask what would make the work closer to perfect. I want to leave with something I can change, not just a good feeling. In what to ask a mentor, I talk about learning from the experience behind that advice. Here the question is how to make the feedback specific enough to use.

A coach can be reluctant to say the hard thing, especially when the relationship is friendly. I need to make it clear that I value a useful correction more than a compliment. That does not mean every criticism is right. It means I want the information so I can examine it.

One thing to keep, a couple to fix

The feedback I like best has a pattern: one thing I should keep doing, then a couple of things to fix. I can use both. Knowing what to keep prevents me from throwing away a strength while I work on a weakness. The corrections are often more valuable because they show me something I could not see for myself.

Why the fixes matter

A good coach may see further down the path than I can. A problem may appear several steps after the mistake that caused it. If we correct the earlier step, we may prevent the later problem. That chain is hard to work out alone when someone else has already done the work and seen where it leads.

The useful part of criticism is finding that earlier mistake while there is still time to change it. If I only collect reassurance, I may feel better for the day and keep repeating the same error. I keep asking for the detail a coach might hesitate to say because that detail gives me something to practice.